There are a few people in certain lifetimes who command the respect and admiration of the general public… gods and goddesses among men. Those whose talent, charm, and beauty have left a timeless imprint in the psyche of human society. They’re far and few. Not nearly as much as we mere humans would like… But just enough for us to appreciate. And today, we’re taking the time to appreciate and admire one of the few gifts the universe has given to us in human form.

Today, we’re appreciating, the legendary Swedish actor and, perhaps, one of the most stunning women to ever walk the earth, Alicia Vikander… What? You haven’t heard of her? Well, that’s because you’re fucking uncultured! You probably don’t even deserve to lay eyes on anything including a woman like that. You probably didn’t even deserve that hilariously grandiose opening. Alicia Vikander sure as hell did!

35-year-old Alicia Vikander has solidified herself as one of the greatest fine actors of her generation. She’s been making big moves in the theater world before she knew her times tables! Not only that, but she has gone down as the dream girl of every man who’s read more than 5 books in their lifetime. That’s right! If you’re into the truest beauties the world has to offer, you’ll have fantasized about Alicia Vikander on more than one occasion.

Some people have even described her as “The thinking man’s Blake Lively”! What does that mean? Hell, if I know. But It sounds kinda fancy, right? I don’t think Alicia’s the thinking man’s anything! This woman is a complete force of nature! Something entirely independent of any man’s wants and desires. She’s to be admired from afar and dreamt about in the solitude of your dreams! Haha! Listen to me! She’s got me talking like I’m some fancy pants columnist!

Alicia Vikander has been winning awards since she first stepped foot on screen. She’s been collecting awards like stamps — everything from Academy Awards to Golden Globes to prestigious acting awards that are so fancy, I won’t even bother trying to spell them! Starting at seven years old, Alicia was part of a relatively successful Swedish opera production. And she didn’t lose her edge throughout her life there:

You’ll have probably seen her in classics like “The Sound of Music” and “Les Misérables”. This woman is about as talented as it gets. Not to mention, she’s been training as a ballet dancer since she was 9 years old. Imagine the guy who ends up with that! I bet you can’t. Well… You won’t have to! Alicia broke plenty of hearts when it was announced that she married actor extraordinaire, Michael Fassbender in 2017.

And that relationship’s been tight ever since. Don’t expect some huge celebrity scandal surrounding a breakup. Unlike many other actors who process their childhood trauma by sleeping with cast members of every movie set they’ve been on, Alicia Vikander does not fuck around! You’ll find no nudes or sex tapes with other celebrities here. I guess they just make ‘em different in Sweden!

Alicia’s first movie debut was in the lead role in “Pure” which won her two prestigious awards! Imagine winning two big awards for your first movie! That’s the kind of thing most actors can only dream of! I’m sure plenty of people knew what a big deal Alicia would be after that. She’d then go on to star in movies that many would know and love well. You’ll have heard of her roles in Ex Machina, Jason Bourne, and Tomb Raider!

Did I just hear your heart flutter? That’s right! Tomb Raider! That character has had her hooks in the hearts of every boy who grew up with a PlayStation 1! And now, Alicia Vikander has given those same boys brand new fantasies! Even after following Angelina Jolie! Which is basically impossible! Haha! Some people prefer her version of Lara Croft to Angelina Jolie’s!

Online Presence

I’m not exaggerating in the slightest though. No Instagram. No Twitter. Not even a Facebook account. And that barely counts as a social media account! How do people get in touch with her for roles? Well, I imagine that she’s made such an incredible name for herself in the acting industry, people are privileged enough to have her number! When you’re THAT fucking good at what you do, you can afford to be a little hard to reach.

If you’re desperate for any semblance of Alicia’s comings and goings, there are fan pages dedicated to her on certain platforms. There is more than one on Instagram. The biggest is “@aliciavikanderdaily” with around 330k followers. That’s where you’ll find a collection of the latest snapshots of Alicia’s professional affairs. You’ll see images from photoshoots as well as pictures taken from her time on set.

Alicia has stated that she would much rather treat her acting career like a regular job. She can leave all the rabid fandom to the imagination of her fans! Haha! She says she’d just like to live like a normal person. The irony is that any normal person nowadays has an Instagram! If you’re even more desperate for anything to do with Mrs. Vikander, there are two pretty well-made and managed fan sites dedicated to her: alicia-vikander.net and vikander-alicia.org. I guess you can decide which one is better.

Hot Facts About Alicia Vikander

● Alicia actually beat out Cara Delevingne for her role in the Tomb Raider — I bet a lot of Cara’s fans were heartbroken about that. There’s another actor who’s comfortably nestled herself in the minds of men without trying! I don’t know whether to be happy or sad about that!

● Alicia has been ranked at #40 for FHM Magazine’s top “100 Sexiest Women in the World 2017”

● She’s also been included in Maxim Magazine’s “100 hottest women” for both 2017 and 2018! — Have you ever wondered how those things are decided? I mean, who decides that? Haha! Just a bunch of dudes around a table ranking women by attractiveness? I’m sure I could do that. I’ve been doing that forever! They should hire me… Whoever they are!

● Alicia does her sex scenes in one take — Apparently, to save time and awkwardness, Alicia has been adamant about completing sex scenes in one take. That means no do-overs! Haha. That puts a lot of pressure on the other actor. He’s gotta get it right the first time. We’ve all been there.

Controversies

There was a bunch of criticism from the OG Tomb Raider fans from the PS1 days. Apparently, they complained that her tits weren’t “pointy” enough… Hey, guys. If there was a woman with tits like the ones in the Tomb Raider PS1 game… Trust me. I’d be the first to know about it.

Spicy Content

● If you’re into celebrity feet… In those spaces, she’s hailed as a goddess! Some of the highest reception I’ve ever seen! Haha! Looks like this lady is pretty much perfect!

Things We Find Hot About Alicia Vikander

● One of the most beautiful actors of our time

● Her consistent level of class consistently stuns the world

● Her sex scenes are just as professional as she claims they are. Everything you see was done in the moment. I don’t think it gets any more real than that!

Conclusion

• Has consistently ranked high in many “Top X Women/Actress” lists
• Has a collection of beautiful and immersive sex scenes
• One of the most accomplished fine artists of her time
• Impressive history as a dancer
• One of the classiest celebrities you’ll ever see

• There are no cons. She’s perfect!