Be honest: when did Winona Ryder first start showing up in your masturbatory fantasies? Unless you’re some kind of classic film buff, it’s a question that just might give away your age. Some of the oldsters in the audience may have had their sexual awakening to Heathers, while the younger wankers may have popped their first Winona woody while tuning in for some Stranger Things. If you’re into goth chicks, maybe it was Beetlejuice’s Lydia who did it for you, in which case you may have been dreaming of Wino Forever since the late ‘80s or only just recently.

Or maybe, just maybe, you got hooked on Winona Ryder after catching some random titty pics or nude scenes floating around the web, to say nothing of those next-level deepfakes we’ve seen in recent years. She’s been one of the hottest mainstream American movie stars for decades, and while she might not be the kind of chick I normally talk about here at ThePornDude, I’ve been thinking a lot of dirty thoughts about her lately. Let’s put away our dicks for just a moment and look at the life and times of your longtime Hollywood crush.

Where Have I Seen This Chick Before?

She’s never been in a porno movie or a legit sex tape, but she has been a staple of celebrity nude sites since long before deepnudes were even a thing. People used to whip up fake nudes the old way, cutting and pasting her pretty face onto nudie pics and porno screencaps. The fakes have gotten a hell of a lot better, obviously, and I searched around to see if Ryder was among the celebs to complain publicly about the technology. So far, she’s been silent on the issue.

Her content on celebrity nude sites ain’t limited to fakes, though the more explicit stuff isn’t ever real. She’s starred in a fair number of racy scenes over the course of her career, inspiring fap fantasies in literally generations of fans at this point. I know I’ve mentioned it a couple times already, but Lydia is still smoking hot. I guess those old pill-popping scandals didn’t have the same effect as with your ex who got hooked on Oxys.

One of the scenes I’ve seen floating around a few times is a snippet from 2000’s Autumn in New York. Winona was 28 at the time with a short pixy cut, and there’s an ever-so-short flash of nipple in one scene. It’s almost comical how fans have replayed this momentary nip slip at quarter-speed, over and over again because it’s one of the best peeks we’ve ever gotten.

Her tatas were more visible in A Scanner Darkly with Keanu Reeves, though the scene might appeal to hentai fans more than casual masturbators. The movie was rotoscoped, which basically means they animated on top of the actual video frames, making for a psychedelic effect and a late-night stoner classic. I know I get pretty horny after a few bong hits, and well, I like the sci-fi sex vibe.

I do feel like she’s been showing more flesh over the years, and I’m hoping one day she graduates to some full frontal. There are lingerie scenes in The Plot Against America, The Iceman, The Dilemma and The Ten, and we’ve even seen some flashes of cleavage in the family-friendly Stranger Things. To say Winona Ryder has been aging like a fine wine would be underselling her beauty, and I know these scenes help gain even more viewers.

Back Before You Got the Crush

Her parents were both authors, and her old man even worked as an archivist for legendary hippy Timothy Leary. The brave neuronaut, hero of American consciousness, and “most dangerous man in America” according to Nixon was Winona’s godfather. If that ain’t enough of a psychedelic connection, she also got her middle name from her parents’ friend Laura Huxley, wife of LSD-enthusiast Aldous Husley. Other family friends included beat poet Allen Ginsberg and Philip K. Dick, the drug-addled author of A Scanner Darkly and some of your other favorite sci-fi flicks.

It wasn’t a typical upbringing, as you might have guessed. Winona got bullied for looking like a boy in junior high, enrolled at the American Conservatory Theater in San Francisco, and almost drowned. Beetlejuice came out when she was still in school, and she thought the bullying would stop. “But it made things worse,” she said. “They called me witch.”

Her first big break was in 1986’s Lucas, which also had Corey Haim and Charlie Sheen, whose star power used to burn just as bright as Wino’s. Funny how times change. She actually chose the name Ryder for her credits in Lucas, borrowing the name from Mitch Ryder, a musician her dad was into. Tim Burton saw Lucas and had to have Winona for Beetlejuice, and she was in Heathers the next year.

But None of These Are Pornos

I usually wrap up these actress biographies with a list of AVNs they won or were nominated for, but as I’ve sadly mentioned, Winona Ryder has never been in so much as a sex tape, let alone a porno. She is, however, loved by fans and critics alike. She earned Academy Award nominations two years running in the mid-90s, for The Age of Innocence and Little Women. She’s been nominated for three Golden Globes and took one home, as well as seven nods and a win from the Screen Actors Guild Awards. Her narration of Anne Frank’s The Diary of a Young Girl even earned her a Grammy nomination.

I know a lot of you clicked on this biography hoping your old pal The Porn Dude had some kinky dirt on one of your long-term fap fantasies, but nah, Winona’s kept her nose pretty clean aside from minor legal troubles in the ‘90s. Her lack of truly explicit scenes doesn’t diminish her beauty or talent in the slightest, and let’s be real, it doesn’t stop you from thinking all those dirty thoughts, you pervert.

Winona Ryder may not be a pornstar, but she’ll still forever hold a place in the hearts of horny dudes the world ‘round. She’s absolutely gorgeous and perfectly embodies any role she steps into, so I imagine we’ll be seeing more of her until she decides to retire from acting. Though I might not watch every single movie she stars in, she’s enough of a cultural force that I know I’ll catch her in something even if I’m not trying. I’m always happy for another glimpse of such a beautiful woman.

• Wildly sexy, wildly popular american mainstream movie star
• Staple of celebrity nude and deepfake sites
• Starred in a fair number of racy scenes
• 70 Acting credits
• Critically acclaimed

• Never did a real sex tape that anybody knows of